Family Spotlight:
Mike and Spouse
Mike Bernard and his partner met in Pennsylvania in 1993 while singing in a joint concert of the Harrisburg Men's Chorus and the Baltimore Men's Chorus. After a relatively quick courtship, Mike moved to Baltimore to begin a new life with his partner. They were joined in Holy Union in 1994.
Though neither the state of Maryland nor the federal government yet recognizes their union, they consider themselves married from the heart, which supersedes any law or government. No one can take away love.
Their lives were blessed with an unexpected ministry of being parents. After her terminally ill mother's death, they raised their little niece, Natalie, who brought indescribable love and joy to their home. As a couple, they also endured the heartbreak of Natalie's untimely death three years later as she courageously fought the same illness.
As with any married couple, Mike and his spouse have had ups and downs and live life pretty much like any stable and loving pair. They enjoy eating out and seeing a movie, reading, going to the beach, their cats, and music. They have sung in a number of choirs in the Baltimore area. His spouse enjoys writing and arranging sacred and secular music.
Over the years, careers have changed, as Mike moved from service and training in a health insurance firm to administration and part-time study at Johns Hopkins University. His spouse left mechanical work to realize a life-long dream of making a living in music. Yet this accomplishment cannot be fully celebrated because his employer is exempt from Maryland's anti-discrimination laws protecting gay and lesbian people against employment discrimination. Even in this modern age, they still can dismiss his spouse merely because of his sexual orientation.
Mike and his spouse need marriage rights, first and foremost to have the basic freedom of celebrating themselves as a couple. They should not have to hide parts of their lives to avoid discrimination or verbal and physical attack. His spouse's face and name cannot be shown on this very website because of the strong potential of discrimination.
They look forward to the day that both same-sex and heterosexual couples enjoy the same social and legal rights as well as total acceptance of people as people, sexual orientation notwithstanding. They dream of the day when two men or two women, no matter their orientation or living arrangements, are not socially suspect and open to question when sharing a home. They look forward to the day that men and women are not forced to choose between celibacy and social ostracism simply because of their preference of intimate partners. They look forward to a time when homosexual men and women never feel the need to enter an unnatural heterosexual relationship for social or familial approval.
They look forward to when basic rights include a tax code equally applied to all committed couples. Since they met, Mike and his spouse estimate that they have had to pay extra state and federal income taxes in the level of five figures because governments refuse to recognize their marriage. Hundreds of dollars in legal fees have been spent on securing wills and powers of attorney that are automatically granted to heterosexual married couples. With that, there's still no guarantee that these documents will be honored in times of emergency.
In addition, for Mike to include his spouse on his health insurance plan and other benefits, the federal government requires his employer to deduct extra taxes that married heterosexual employees don't have to pay. To those who believe gay people ask for special rights, we must remind them that to achieve basic rights -- if they're even available -- we usually have to pay special taxes not levied against heterosexuals.
Finally, Mike would like to be able to refer to his spouse as his "husband" without personal discomfort or fear of hostile reaction. He would like to avoid having to choose words by calling him a partner, life partner, spouse, roommate, or special friend just to prevent awkward social situations. They don't want to have to hide their picture or their lives anymore! That's the most basic and important right of all.
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