Family Spotlight:
Rick and Terrance
Rick and Terrance, pictured here with their son Parker, met seven years ago when Terrance answered Rick's personals ad on Love@AOL. Terrance, a Georgia native, moved to the District in 1994, while Rick, a children's medical doctor and alumnus of the Yale Child Studies Center, moved to D.C. in 1997. After exchanging a few emails and phone calls, they decided to meet for lunch in Dupont Circle one Saturday. A couple of dates later, both were sure they had met "the one." One year later, the couple purchased their first home together, and privately exchanged rings with one another on a beach in Hawaii.
Rick, an American born child of Polish immigrants, always knew he wanted a family. "It was always important to me," he said, "and I just assumed that it would happen." Terrance -- who writes about gay family issues at his popular political blog, The Republic of T. (www.republicoft.com) -- came out at twelve and thought he would never have a family. "I even told my mom that I'd never get married or have children," he said. "A few years later she visited me in college, met my cat and said 'I guess that's the closest I'm gonna get to a grandchild out of you." Later he decided he would only parent with a partner.
They chose domestic adoption, and finished their adoption profile in the fall of 2002. A couple of months later, and a week before a planned Thanksgiving vacation, a social worker called with news that they were being considered by a birth-mother. The next morning, the social worker called again. The birth-mother chose them. They were going to be dads. One day later, they walked out of the hospital with four-day-old Parker.
Parker's adoption was finalized in Washington, D.C., and both Rick and Terrance were named as adoptive parents. "Parker's birth certificate was reissued with both of our names," said Terrance. "That's important because, along with the adoption decree, it establishes our parental relationship to Parker." The couple also updated their own legal documents -- wills, advance directives, and medical powers of attorney. Terrance, who writes about same-sex marriage issues on his blog, said, "I've read and written about too many horror stories of what can happen to our families without these documents," he said "Though there's no guarantee they will be recognized if we need to use them."
Nonetheless, both keep copies of the family's documents at work, in the family car, and carry them when the family travels. "The reality is," said Terrance, "without our legal documents, we can't be sure our relationships or wishes will be honored in the midst of a crisis, and we may have to fight for them. When you can't travel without papers defining your rights, and you realize that other people can move freely without worrying about their rights... well, as an African American man with roots all the way back to slavery, that resonates with me."
Four years later, the family is settled in Montgomery County, and awaiting the adoption of a second child and a sibling for Parker. "We both grew up with siblings," said Terrance, "We really value those now connections as adults, and we want the same thing for our kids." In the meantime, they're enjoying exploring their new community as a family, and awaiting they day they can do so without the need for legal documents or concern about whether their rights as a family are protected.
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