Family Spotlight:
Rita and Sandy

We have been a couple and living together for more than 17 years, all of them incredibly rich and full of love and growth. We have lived in the mountains of Soutwestern Virginia and -- for the last 9 years -- in the DC Metro area, which is quite a change for us. We both try to be out of the closet as much as possible, since hiding our personal lives has never protected us from prejudice and bigotry.

As a couple, we have been lucky to not have suffered too much because of discrimination (yet). However, there are aspects of our lives that are unique to gay couples:

  • We had to go to great expense to draw up legal papers making us each other's next-of-kin because we cannot trust that the law will respect our relationship when the need arises.
  • When our Social Security benefit statements come in the mail, we are always faced with the truth: that the person who is in every sense our "spouse" will not inherit any of the money that is every other surviving spouse's right.
  • One of us does not have the freedom to take a reprieve between jobs, since we would have to pay dearly for health benefits; one of our employers offes domestic partner helath benefits, but the other one does not.
  • We subsidize education and other programs that we do not benefit from, since we have no children. We very much want to support the institutions that benefit our society, but we would like to be supported by it in return.
  • In some situations, it may not be safe for us to be open about being gay, since that would endanger our jobs and/or our safety. As a couple, we are not always free to express this bond that is the most important thing in our lives.

If marriage laws were changed to permit gay couples to wed legally, our realities would change dramatically. The acceptance and equity that change would promote would have unimaginable benefits for all.

Society needs to think about the things we say we cherish -- love, peace, helping our fellow man, living a good and honest life, making a contribution to make sure we leave the world a better place, nurturing children and familial relationships. We know of many, many gay couples and individuals who give of themselves most generously and who do a great deal of good. It can never be alright for our society to undervalue those people by denying them basic rights.

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