Thirty years ago, legal marriage between two men or two women was unthinkable. Few of us who are gay and lesbian were brave enough to ask for equal treatment under the law. The majority of us were in the closet, afraid if we lived openly, we would lose our jobs, apartments, parents and faith community. Too often, we were right.

Some things still haven't changed. Discrimination against gays and lesbians is still a fact, although Maryland is among a minority of states with laws against it. Upon coming out, many of us do still lose our families and faith communities. And in most places a same-sex couple cannot kiss each other goodbye or hold hands while strolling down the street without fear of hostile remarks, icy glares or violence.

Thankfully, many things have changed. The mainstream mental health community understands now that sexual orientation isn't changeable and rejects so-called "conversion therapy."

Our lives and stories are no longer invisible to the world. Our child welfare organizations and -- in Maryland, at least -- family courts understand that the best interests of a child have nothing to do with the sexual orientation of his or her parents.

Despite all of this, Maryland law does not protect same-sex couples. No matter how long they have been together, the couple remains legal strangers.

Just ask John Lestitian of Hagerstown. When John's partner of 13 years passed away, his partner's estranged parents claimed the body, and, because he did not inherit his partner's house, he was forced to sell the home they had shared.

Or ask Patty Perillo of Silver Spring, a state employee who couldn't cover her partner on her health insurance during her battle with terminal ovarian cancer, and who couldn't take bereavement leave after her partner's death. After her partner died, Patty was assessed a $30,000 inheritance fee by the state on the house they had shared.

When his partner of seven years died, Kevin-Douglas Olive of Baltimore had no time to mourn. His partner's estranged parents to this day contest their son's written will and are trying to move his body to their family plot from the joint plot Olive and his partner purchased together.

These stories aren't out of the ordinary for gays and lesbians. In fact, they barely graze the list of more than 1,000 rights, responsibilities and protections granted to couples with a marriage license.

These hardships may soon change, however. Baltimore Circuit Court Judge M. Brooke Murdock ruled last year that the exclusion of same-sex couples from marriage is unconstitutional. The American Civil Liberties Union, which brought this case with Equality Maryland, presented arguments in December to the state's highest court that the denial of civil marriage violates the equal rights, due process and equal protection clauses of our state constitution. Our arguments are sound. The U.S. Supreme Court has said that the fundamental right to civil marriage is so profound to our happiness as Americans that it cannot be denied to convicts in prison, who cannot even vote.

A broad array of civil rights, religious, mental health and child welfare organizations support our position in this case.

Unfortunately, during the 2007 General Assembly session, some people will continue to seek to prevent same-sex couples from sharing in the protections and responsibilities of civil marriage. Their hope is to place the rights of one group up for a popular vote with the sole aim of preventing the courts from interpreting the state constitution's provisions of equality as applying to all Marylanders.

Forty percent of marriages in our state are performed by a clerk of the court or a judge, yet religion is the most widely cited reason for these misguided attempts. No clergy could be forced to perform a same-sex marriage any more than they could be forced to perform an interfaith wedding. Marriage licenses from the state neither require nor carry with them any kind of religious blessing. America's greatness is in our freedom of religion, not in one religious doctrine dictating the laws for all citizens.

The couples in this court case do not seek to redefine what a marriage means. They -- and all gays and lesbians -- simply seek access to a universally recognized legal institution that will create stability and peace of mind for our families. More importantly, we seek to share in the joy and commitment that should be the hallmark of any loving relationship.

Same-sex couples express love in the same ways straight couples do. We bring our loved ones chicken soup when they sneeze. We listen intently when they complain about work. We look for ways to make them happy, with a gesture, with a card, with a kiss. We let them have the remote control -- sometimes. We try to make them laugh, and we cook their favorite foods for their birthdays. We make homes together, build families together, and keep each other warm at night.

Allowing us to marry legally is just plain fair. No one chooses to be gay or lesbian, and being gay or lesbian is not a moral deficiency. Now, as the dark cloud of the closet that steals our souls is lifted for more and more of us, more Americans are understanding that ending discrimination against gays and lesbians means ending discrimination in marriage.

Dan Furmansky is executive director of Equality Maryland, a lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender civil rights organization based in Silver Spring.